happy halloween!

wordless wednesday

This IS "3 years old" for my daughter Peyton...and that's all I have to say about that!

where does all my time go?

How does all my time slip away before I get a chance to tackle the things I need to do? It's like a time warp sucks away the hours before I get a chance to use them.

I had full intention on cleaning my house top to bottom before I had people over for a couple of gatherings this week. I had meant to plan my meals for the week so that when 5 o'clock comes everyday I am not clueless on what to do for dinner. I had been meaning to get my calendar organized for all the appointments I have, school activities and birthday parties. I planned to get in some kind of exercise every single day. I had expected to start my Christmas shopping so that it doesn't all load me down at the last minute.

But, I don't know where the time has gone -- and I'm not sure what I did with it while it was here.

This week shopping will have to wait. 3 times at the gym will have to do. I will have to rely on my chaotic brain to get me where I need to be for a while longer. There will be impromptu dinners and I'll have to go with the "illusion" of clean for now(so don't look too closely). And I just have to learn that this is how it has to be sometimes.

There is always next week!

Spinning

Yesterday I took my first spinning class at this fantastic gym that I finally talked myself into splurging to join even though it cost too much for these tight times. My butt hurts so bad it feels like there is a giant bruise on my bottom the shape of a bike seat...yet I can't wait to go back and do it again. However, I'll have to wait until I can sit without wincing!

every year I fall for fall

There is something about that cool, crisp autumn air that really gets me going.

Fall means visits to the pumpkin patch and daddy carving his masterpieces, raking leaves and jumping into the mounds, lugging up the "Halloween" boxes and draping our home with their contents. Fall means kids are back in school.

Fall means caramel apples, popcorn balls, and ANYTHING pumpkin-flavored. Unfortunately for me and my waistline, Fall also means the desire to eat more hearty meals like thick soups and chilies. I love how Fall allows for comfy sweatshirts, blue jeans and fuzzy socks. I spend the rest of the year yearning for the nights of cozy throw blankets on the sofa and bulky covers in bed.

It excites me to see neighborhoods dressed in spooky attire; ghosts, goblins, witches and bones. Houses, trees and bushes laced with creepy spiders and sheets of web. Dim or strobing lights beckoning to hundreds of costumed trick-or-treaters. And candy...candy everywhere...candy for weeks!

So Fall is my favorite. And it doesn't last long enough. And it's that small span of time between the monotony of long summer days and the craziness of "the holidays" and the brrr of winter. That small span of time that makes me stop for a moment and think about where I've been and where I'm going. I love Fall!

what do you want?

In my MOPs meeting yesterday, we spoke about growth and how our lives have changed since we've become mothers. A question was thrown out to all us us asking us to name an adventure we hope to go on or try in the future. On the spot, I couldn't think of ONE thing. Is that sad or what?

The women sitting around the tables brought forth all kinds of activities that they yearn for:learning to snow ski, learning to play the guitar, sky diving, taking a trip to Rome, going on a Safari, training for a marathon, hiking the Grand Canyon. Some of these sounded good to me -- but none of them were mine. As I heard more and more ideas, I tried to come up with one of my own...still nothing. I couldn't think of anything major that I dreamed of, that I really had to have before life was over. This bothered me a little bit.

So, I went home and really thought about this. Of course, there are so many things that I had always wished for that have already come true -- a loving husband, healthy children, a great home. But there has to be more, there just has to be more to strive for. Not that what I have is not fulfilling, but shouldn't we always be striving to be a better mother, woman, christian, person? Something that pushes us to be more?

What is THAT for me? Taking an exotic cruise? Learning a new skill? Competing in the Olympics? Becoming a rock star? What?...I don't know yet, but I may really learn a thing or two about myself trying to figure it out.

wordless wednesday -- sisters!

declutter

I've come to realize that my complete obsession with a perfectly clean house must have been due to lack of other important things to do. Now with transporting two kids to school, school meetings, weekly church meetings, ice skating lessons, soccer practices and games, staying in touch with friends and squeezing in quality family time, my house gets cleaned a lot less often and A LOT less thoroughly these days.

I've also re-realized something I once was fully aware of...that the more cluttered I let my house get, the more cluttered my head gets. It had been quite some time since I'd gotten to this point and I remember that a really messy house is bad for my inner peace! So I need to find a happy medium between a spotless home and a polluted mind. Where is the happy medium?

So that's my new project -- one room at a time, because that's all I can take on right now.

was lost, but now i'm found

In the not-so-distant past, I would visit this website on an almost daily basis and record my thoughts or goings-on. I used my blog as an outlet and it helped me clear my head and unburden my chest. Then I began to neglect this space of mine. I tried to blame the avoidance on being busy, which I guess what a touch of the problem, but my real reason for the lack of entries was self-esteem. As my readership increased so did my concern over whether what I wanted to write about was of any interest to the people visiting. I had lost sight of who this site is really for...me. And I missed it here. I missed the expression, I missed the brain-declutter, I missed my little spot on the web. There isn't much else that is JUST mine. So I'm taking it back. Getting back into writing for myself -- not for entertainment or readership -- just for me. But if you'll stay, I'd love to have you!

always a follower...

In my youth, I was not much of a leader...more of a follower. I looked to others for the cool things to do, places to go and items to wear. Although I was smart enough not to follow so-and-so "if they jumped off a bridge" so to speak, you didn't see me taking center stage to lead the group anywhere.

When I entered the workforce, it wasn't much different. I shied away from positions described for independent, self-starters. I felt I needed a little more support than that to dive into new challenges.

So my first leadership role ever was the one of motherhood (Does that count?) I had no choice...I had two little people that desperately needed my guidance. I also joined a mom's group outside of my church where I made some fantastic friends for myself and my kids. Eventually, the group needed some organizers to plan play dates and host night's out. I stepped up for this role and for the first time people were looking to to me to make decisions (besides my children). These decisions, have not been monumental by any means (choosing places and times for meetups), but it has been a chance to get my feet wet.

Now, after 35 years of life, I have taken a real leap toward leadership. Holding the position of Spiritual Director for my church group CRHP (Christ Renews His Parish) team implores me to lead a group of women in something MOST important -- a spiritual journey -- and I am beyond privileged.